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"We cling to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with
the past
when what we should do is let go of it, like Peter did. Once
your let go of guilt, then you go out and change the world."
-- James Carroll
Carroll is referring to Peter, a disciple of Jesus who,
when
faced with questions about his relationship to Jesus, three
times denied any connection. Later, Peter went on to help
spread
Christianity throughout the world.
While this article isn't about religion, the example of
Peter's
great guilt over his denials of Christ, and his overcoming
of
his shame and guilt, exemplify the importance of self-
forgiveness.
Forgiving yourself leads to great things!
Whether you've smoked for a year or a lifetime, you probably
have experienced guilt or shame about smoking. Many smokers
feel
shame over their own failure to control themselves. Others
feel
guilt over the perceived "sin" of smoking. Still
others hide
their smoking from society's persecution of "obnoxious,
weak,
unconcerned, polluting, smelly" smokers, due to feeling
ashamed.
Guilt and shame paralyze and polarize. The sad thing about
guilt
and shame is that it is often the result of incorrect
perceptions of a situation. Have you ever wronged another
person, then felt guilty for it? Did you avoid that person
for a
long time? When you finally got back together with that person
you may have found that they had forgiven you long ago, and
they
wished that you were in their life again. How much time did
you
waste feeling guilty?
Many smokers, in an effort to make themselves feel better,
tell
themselves "I've smoked this long. It's too late now
for me to
quit. I might as well keep on smoking." They may think
they are
forgiving themselves, but the reality is they are only making
excuses. There's a big difference between making excuses
and
truly forgiving. An excuse denies the reality of a problem.
Forgiveness acknowledges a problem, yet moves beyond the
problem.
To forgive your own smoking, you must admit to yourself
that you
have a problem that began in the past. Acknowledge the past,
but
also acknowledge that the past is over and can never be changed.
What's done is done, now you must move on. Forgive yourself
for
starting to smoke. Did you smoke to be disobedient to your
parents or other authority figure? Acknowledge that this
happened and that it may have been wrong, but what's done
is
done. Are you ashamed that you have become dependent on a
drug?
There are many reasons why this has happened, many of which
you
were probably unaware of at the time. Forgive yourself for
falling into the trap. Millions of people are right there
with
you. You are not alone, so don't beat yourself up for it.
The goal of forgiveness is renewal. On the other side of
guilt
is a new freedom. By freeing yourself from feeling inadequate
over old shortcomings, you empower yourself to achieve great
results. When you are no longer trapped in self-doubt and
self-
pity you can overcome any obstacle. You can look at smoking
objectively and turn away from it at last. Change what you
can
change; don't worry about the rest.
If you ask yourself who's to blame for your smoking habit,
you
could probably come up with three or four answers: yourself,
the
tobacco companies, your parents, your friends. Whoever or
whatever the cause for your habit, forgive. It really doesn't
matter anymore. What you want to concern yourself with now
is
moving past smoking. You'll never do that until you let go
of
the guilt and shame and blame, and simply let go of all of
it.
What matters is that you quit.
It's odd how the things we desire the least can control
us the
most. Instead of focusing on the negative past, draw your
attention to your positive future. Forgive your past and
get
excited about today, because today you can do something amazing!
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